In our second article on dealing with death on a project, Dave Cartlidge discusses some of the key issues arising from training he has done on the subject for LAF and Voluntary Action Leeds.

The number of euphemisms for death (passing on, no longer with us, pushing up daisies) makes me think that society in general is not well able to cope with it. But for most staff working with vulnerable people it is inevitable that they will (eventually) have to deal with and cope with the death of a tenant on their project. And there are a number of especially sensitive issues that are beyond the scope of the most carefully written procedures. These can include what it feels like to find someone dead, what difference it makes if they had been dead some time, and dealing with relatives. As an ex-team manager I would like to say something about each of these points.

The first one is about how it feels to find dead someone you have worked with. I am not suggesting that it is any use to anyone if a staff member completely falls apart – “I can’t do this any more, I didn’t know they die”. Sadly, I have talked to a number of staff from different organisations who say that the expectation on them is that they will be almost indifferent – “It’s all part of the job, no-one said it would be easy.”

One example sticks in my mind. Someone found a suicide on a Saturday morning.   They did everything that was required, without any assistance from management. They were expected to be at work the following Monday without any debriefing or support – “It’s what we’re paid to deal with, you know”.

This statement only tells half the story. A professional is not a machine. It is not only completely acceptable to feel, you can’t stop it happening! Staff should be able to deal with it in any appropriate manner. There is also the possibility that a death will have personal resonance for staff and prompt memories of a previous death (not necessarily a work related one). You may also find that a particular death leaves you relatively unaffected.

Ultimately, in dealing with death we should be able to accommodate a wide range of feelings and responses to it happening. If some staff find themselves more affected than others and need support (particularly if they found someone dead) then they should get it. There should be no explicit or implicit reflection on staff if they need a bit of extra help to deal with this. The point is that everybody needs to be in the best possible frame of mind to provide the service to those who are still alive.

Secondly, in some cases people have been dead for a long time before being found. Surely it’s better to risk a red face and have to say, “I’m sorry, I know it sounds stupid, but I thought you were dead”, than to have to deal with the alternatives.

It’s better than having to explain to a coroner’s court that you didn’t check because people might think you were stupid and over-reacting. It’s better to check on someone, than to have one of their relatives want to know why they’d been dead so long without being found. It is better to check sooner rather than later and minimise the risk of the press “getting hold” of a possible story.

But if it has happened, and someone is dead and it might be a “good story”, do you have an organisational policy for dealing with the press? It should be the case that an immediate response is never given. It is very easy to be “misquoted” or to have what you say taken out of context. If comment is made it should be a measured, considered response from a nominated staff member.

Thirdly, it is more than likely you will have to deal with relatives. There are a number of ways that this can pan out, and however experienced you are you will not be able to predict them. Possible scenarios are:

• They knew where the person was living and they knew why they were there. They had some understanding and appreciation of what you were trying to do to help their relative out.
• They knew where they were and why they were there and because they’d given up on them they are surprised/annoyed that you haven’t.
• Relatives suddenly turn up on finding the person is dead. They were either ostracised by the person who died or they themselves had ignored or marginalised the deceased person for many years.

There is likely to be a lot of guilt in all these cases. Although I have had experience of meeting relatives each occasion has been different. You can’t plan what to say or do in advance. Don’t suddenly find you have something important to do elsewhere! Trust your instincts and act honestly and on the spur of the moment. It is common normal behaviour for relatives to want to see where their family member died.

In conclusion, given the various service user groups we work with what we really need to hang onto is that the number of deaths isn’t a lot higher. I would suggest that this is down to the skill, attention and sensitivity of staff and the relationships they are able to build with their service users. But not only this – it is also down to service users’ willingness to engage with staff.